Real Talk!

I have take one or two courses in psychology and I know that human beings can't avoid being anxious or fearful or worried at various times in their lives. Moving is ranked among life's most stressful events. Research shows that moving house is one of the greatest stresses we face in our lives. In its capacity to cause psychological distress it is right up there, with losing a close relative and illness, loss of employment and divorce, in terms of severity. Of course planned and managed well, stress is not necessarily a requirement.

The stresses of buying and selling a home often make many people feel overwhelmed. Taking care of yourself in the process, making sure you understand what's going on, and increasing your sense of control can reduce your stress and helps keep the relocation process sane. To understand relocation stress let's examine the two kinds of needs that people have when moving: Your transactional needs, like finding the home that is just right for you, finding a seller who is realistic, negotiating the price, completing the paperwork, handling the escrow, and arranging for the physical move. Your emotional needs which carry with them the largest amount of stress.

While moving certainly holds the potential for stress, overwhelm, and, conflict, this potential has become so firmly embedded in our collective belief system that it feels like an unavoidable truth. A thought, repeated enough times by enough people for long enough, becomes a collective thought pattern. Eventually, these patterns become so ingrained in our way of life that they become a part of our collective belief system.

Our physical reality is filled with collective beliefs - "Moving is stressful." "You have to work hard to get ahead." These collective beliefs hold great power and most of the time we allow these beliefs to determine the tone of our creative energy. Because of that, we usually create by default. We continue to get what we have always gotten because that is what we believe we are going to get. Human beings can't avoid being anxious or fearful or worried at various times in their lives.

Known by a number of names - Tropophobia, Fear of Moving, and Fear Making Changes being the most common - the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences moving phobia in their own way and may have different symptoms.

Although not everyone admits to having a phobia of some sort, many people, and conscious or not, tend to share the most common fear of all: the fear of change. Change acts as a threat toward those who are comfortable and set in a current way of living. People who do not accept change are often looked upon as narrow minded. However, those who cannot cope with a change in life can sometimes become mentally ill, diminishing life’s better qualities.

Though a variety of potent drugs are often prescribed for moving phobia, side effects and/or withdrawal symptoms can be severe. Moreover, drugs do not "cure" moving phobia or any other phobia. At best they temporarily suppress the symptoms through chemical interaction.

The Law of Attraction tells us that the thoughts, emotions and energy that we send out into the world are what create our experience. In theory, we have the ability to control our thoughts, emotions and energy Simple right? Simple perhaps, but not always easy. This law encourages us to stop believing that what we have always gotten is what we will always get. Instead, we are encouraged to start creating a new experience. Write a new script. Design a new set.
You must take creative control, otherwise, you will suffer with the feeling of uncomfortable tension that comes from holding two conflicting thoughts in the mind at the same time. This is known as cognitive dissonance.

Dissonance increases with:
The importance of the subject to us. How strongly the dissonant thoughts conflict.

Our inability to rationalize and explain away the conflict.

Dissonance is often strong when we believe something about ourselves and then do something against that belief. If I believe I am good but do something bad, then the discomfort I feel as a result is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is a very powerful motivator that will often lead us to change one or other of the conflicting belief or action. The discomfort often feels like a tension between the two opposing thoughts. To release the tension we can take one of three actions: Change our behavior or Justify our behavior by changing the conflicting cognition or Justify our behavior by adding new cognitions.

Dissonance is most powerful when it is about our self-image. Feelings of foolishness, immorality and so on (including internal projections during decision-making) are dissonance in action. If an action has been completed and cannot be undone, then the after-the-fact dissonance compels us to change our beliefs. If beliefs are moved, then the dissonance appears during decision-making, forcing us to take actions we would not have taken before.

Cognitive dissonance appears in virtually all evaluations and decisions and is the central mechanism by which we experience new differences in the world. When we see other people behave differently to our images of them, when we hold any conflicting thoughts, we experience dissonance.

Dissonance increases with the importance and impact of the decision, along with the difficulty of reversing it. Discomfort about making the wrong choice of car is bigger than when choosing a lamp. Almost all major purchases result in cognitive dissonance, also known as buyer's remorse.

Frequently, the anxiety has its roots in the individual's failure to accept or acknowledge the simple fact that most purchases are either reversible or that any item of significant value may be resold, albeit with some degree of discount.

Buyer's remorse may also stem from the fact that before the act of purchasing both possibilities are open, and that after having done so, one option (not purchasing) has been closed off (unless one tries to obtain a refund). Psychologically, in the phase before purchasing, the prospective buyer feels the positive emotions associated with the purchase (desire, a sense of heightened possibilities, and an intimation of the enjoyment that will accompany using the product, for example): afterwards, having made the purchase, he or she is able more fully to experience the negative aspects.

In other words, before purchasing, one experiences oneself as acting in a virile way, creating a situation; while afterwards the time of acting has passed: one is deflated and experiences oneself as having been acted on by the former virile self; one feels bound by one's remaining limited choices.

This is a unique idiosyncrasy of human nature, but it is even worse when we are reaching some major milestone, something we may have dreamt of for years. Our first new car, our first home, our last car, our last home. In spite of the fact that you can only do your best; make your selection and then make the best of it; often the immedicate result may be a state of stress, remorse and unhappiness. It may be further characterized by feelings of regret, self-hatred and a strong desire to make things right.

There is value in learning from the experience, but little in using the clarity of hindsight to berate yourself over possibly not making the exactly optimal choice.

“Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others.”( Robert Louis Stevenson). Let’s not waste our time wondering whether or not it’s fair. Let’s accept the fact that change is here, and it’s our task to deal with it.