Real Talk!

Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

This topic brought to mind a poem that I've often heard:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an
experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, is real. But only for a season.!

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

author, Jeanne Hesprich

While a number of people came to mind... there are some that the fact that we drifted is probably for the best...

and others who I would love to connect with. Donna J, Keith D, Heather-Lynne spring to mind... and there are others too.

Day 8- Someone who made your life h*ll, or treated you like sh*t.

Oh, I have a list... somewhere in the deep recesses... once I have listed someone, I forgive them and then forget them. I don’t want to carry that pain around all the time.

I have always felt that you can’t avoid being wounded... but you can avoid suffering... and you can drop toxic people who haven’t dealt with their stuff and are nasty for it. &, in my experience, they know what they've done and know better than to try to mend things.

We all instinctively know when things are irreparable- I may forgive, I can't forget.

Off the top of my head, I thought of some family, some friends, a doctor or two, a number of colleagues in the industry, some clients, an ex-husband (or two or three)... and some others...and I thought about posting pictures... I’ve heard they’re worth a thousand words a piece. I thought of posting first names... and then, I thought better of it.

It wouldn't be productive, anyway. What's done is done. Old news. & as for my wounds, they've healed and I have released the pain to the universe, with love. I'm not vindictive, in spite of the fact that it is very likely that one of them was truly trying to kill me.

I prefer to remember the people who have always been kind... speaking of which....

A old acquaintance recently sent me a web link to a wonderful site...

http://www.wowzone.com/wowintro.htm

The philosophy here resonates well with my own.

WOW: Wish Only Well

Someone who has made your life worth living for.

During the dark moments of life, there have been many people who have made it possible for me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Some stand out more than others.

Elizabeth Morden St. Clair-Hughes (nee Franklin)

When I was very young, my grandmother was one of my biggest supporters. Her joy for life and laughter kept me going.

During my teenaged years...

I had a truly GREAT teacher, Mr Parker. He was hard on us but he taught us a lot and we all loved him for it. He brought out the best in us.

I often consulted my aunt Linda ...

Linda Maureen St. Clair-Hughes

and I was rescued from a lonely 18th birthday by an acquaintance...

Kevin Shin

and I fell in love and married someone who made me laugh again...

David John King

in my twenties, Dr Nigel Jagan saved my life.

nearing my thirties...

I got a grant through the Canada Council for the Arts to attend the May Writer's Studio

and I met some wonderful people.

Bruce W. Powe

and my sister and brother (and their families) helped me through the sad parts.

John W. Noyes became my step-father and brought a whole new perspective to things.

and in my thirties...

Stanley came home from the Whitby pet shop

My longest relationship with a male, Stanny-boy was with me 23 years.

Baby Katie arrived.

&, my brother and sister (and their families) helped me through the sad parts of my 30s.

In my 40s...

as I lay trapped in a tangle of snow, trees, metal, glass and blood, it was thoughts of my Katie that brought me back from the brink

She was only 8. Katie taught me how to tie my shoes again. She helped me learn to read (by reading me the Harry Potter series) and she helped me learn to count, again. She loved me unconditionally and her angelic nature is what gave me back a life.

The better I got, the better choices I made and I kept thinking of what was best for "us".

Also in my 40s, Fabian (and his family) came into our lives...

and I met good friends, like Donna Thompson and Pam Stott... among others.

In my fifties...

the ski hill came along- and all the people that work with us there... they make the hard work, somehow, fun.... and my brother and sister (and their families) are helping me through the hard parts.

I know I'm missing some important people... but the most important mention goes to my daughter... Catherine Elizabeth Stewart... beautiful in so many ways...

she will always make my life worthwhile.

Something you hope you never have to do.

Okay... there's a few things that I hope that I never have to do... like dig up a septic bed... this picture is a nice new one... I mean an old used one... I've been close enough to know that I don't want to hold the shovel.

YUCK

& I don't like to eat liver....

I don't think I want to sky dive... but I KNOW that I don't want to have to deal with a parachute malfunction.

I don't want to have to shave my face...

or deal with cannibals....

be lost at sea....

fend off crocodiles or gaters....

be anywhere near snake pits....

be close to war....

be involved in any legal trials...

become a statistic...

have to ward off an attacker....

cope with life on the street...

be involved in a missing persons case...

love the victim of an unsolved murder....

be at all involved in crime...

call an intervention...

to hurt or kill anyone...

to bury a child...

to deal with life support...

to wear a tutu...

or cheesey uniform...

or deal with a zombie apocalypse...

I'm sure there are other things... but I've had enough for now.

Something you hope to do in your life

Hmmmmm.... Interesting... & Oh, the images one conjures!

In the 70s, I read a book about setting priorities and doing the things that really matter... I suppose it was something like "The Bucket List" and it was extremely inspiring. I have managed to do many of things that I aspired to, back then. Ya... there are still many items on the cerebral list and new ones keep being added.

Reviewing this challenge... day 4... something you'd like to do in your life... there are so many small things... sure, I'd like to visit the Grand Canyon. I'd like to learn how to belly dance. I'd like to laugh more. I'd like to spend time resting in a hammock. It would be fun to win an academy award, it would be fun just to hold one. I would like to spend more time in a canoe. I'd like to see my work published in book form... not an anthology.... one book... one author (me). There are other things- like contuining listing to stones... and learning more about our aboriginal peoples... exploring even more creatively... but really, there are too many to mention.

I would love to solve the puzzle of missing pieces in my family tree.

Oh, ya. I could list a lot of "things".

I am blessed with my daughter and look forward to our future (I hope to live a good long life) and perhaps, have grandchildren.

If I was to sum it up, though... what I want to do in my life is "be truly helpful".

Something you have to forgive someone for.

I am a little confused... the way this reads, it seems to be saying something that I haven't forgiven someone for, already... oh man, have I forgiven people...

I once directed a play for the local theatre guild... and at our first rehearsal, I handed out the following:

Forgiveness

“is an act of courage
because it means we use the past
injury as a way to heal our own soul,
forgive ourselves and forgive
the other person.

Forgiveness empowers by ‘unhooking’ us
From the past and the people in it
Who have injured us.
It reclaims our control over our own selves
And allows us to move into our future
With clean energy.

Forgiveness does not condone what someone has done to us;
On the contrary, it forces us to acknowledge the darkness of the act
And its consequences. But it also forces us
To acknowledge our participation in both the act

And the perpetuation of its injury within us.

Forgiveness allows us to heal ourselves with the choice to let go.

It gives us the opportunity to become our own healers
Rather than to wait for the other person to correct the injury.
The latter position is the one of the child and the victim:
The former, the one of the empowered healer.”

By Elizabeth Stratton
“Touching Spirit”

I never did explain why... but, by the end of the run, it should have been all too clear... and if it wasn't... please be assured, I forgive.

Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Well, now.... If I have to choose one thing, as the word "something" suggests....

Definition of SOMETHING

1 a: some indeterminate or unspecified thing b : some indeterminate amount more than a specified number —used in combination twenty-something years old or a group of fifty-somethings
2: a person or thing of consequence
3: one having more or less the character, qualities, or nature of something different: is something of a bore
— something else
: something or someone special or extraordinary

I have extremely high expectations of myself... some might say that I have unrealistically high expectations of myself... still, I strive to be my very best, to do my very best... to aim toward the highest good and sometimes, I am disappointed in myself and have to forgive... yes, I frequently have to remind myself of my imperfection. Jody is not perfect. Jody is not perfect and she is forgiven for being imperfect. Yup... that about sums it up.

Something you love about yourself

This blog challenge is more difficult than it looked. I’ve been giving some thought about the things that I love about myself... and the things that I love to do... like my sister-in-law, Sue, who said (in her blog 30 days of truth) that she loves that she is never bored... I’m never bored. I love to research... I read, I work on my family tree... I write... I work... and I think... I love having a daughter... but then, my daughter is pretty special and I would love her, even if she wasn’t my flesh and blood... I love family and history... my friends... and by and large, I'm quite satisfied with me... and then, it struck me... I love my positive outlook on life.

I am a survivor- in many, many ways. On paper, my life looks like anything but a picnic and yet, I have always been pretty happy and optimistic. I look at set-backs as opportunities... I tend to cheer others on, too.

I have never known any other coping mechanism except to keep putting one foot in front of the other... and I’ve always been aware that suffering was an option... and not one that I wanted to take. You can’t avoid pain... but you can avoid wallowing in it.

I admit it. I make lemonade.

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.

For the most part, I’m not a “hater”. In my personal vocabulary “hate” is far too definitive, way too extreme, irreversibly negative... and I have been told that one of my weaknesses is that I haven’t learned to “hate”. Now, if I look at the dictionary definition, I see that it I may be overreacting, somewhat... but then, thinking it over... I suppose I have an extreme aversion to the word hate... the idea of hate... the oppressive use of hate... the culture of hate... hate crimes...

HATE

v. hat•ed, hat•ing, hates
v.tr.
1.
a. To feel hostility or animosity toward.
b. To detest.
2. To feel dislike or distaste for: hates washing dishes.
v.intr.
To feel hatred.
n.
1. Intense animosity or dislike; hatred.
2. An object of detestation or hatred

verb, hat•ed, hat•ing, noun
–verb (used with object)
1.
to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest: to hate the enemy; to hate bigotry.
2.
to be unwilling; dislike: I hate to do it.
–verb (used without object)
3.
to feel intense dislike, or extreme aversion or hostility.
–noun
4.
intense dislike; extreme aversion or hostility.
5.
the object of extreme aversion or hostility.

Synonyms

1. loathe, execrate; despise. HATE, ABHOR, DETEST, ABOMINATE imply feeling intense dislike or aversion toward something. HATE, the simple and general word, suggests passionate dislike and a feeling of enmity: to hate autocracy. ABHOR expresses a deep-rooted horror and a sense of repugnance or complete rejection: to abhor cruelty; Nature abhors a vacuum. DETEST implies intense, even vehement, dislike and antipathy, besides a sense of disdain: to detest a combination of ignorance and arrogance. ABOMINATE expresses a strong feeling of disgust and repulsion toward something thought of as unworthy, unlucky, or the like: to abominate treachery.

While I’m pretty hard on myself... I can’t say that I consistently hate anything about myself... I have had plenty of moments of dislike... but I truly see them as opportunities for self-evaluation and improvement. I have to admit, there are some areas that get revisited more regularly and I suppose they would be characteristics that I find the least attractive in myself. These would include those occasions in which I feel I have talked excessively or times that I feel I might have come across as self-indulgent or boastful... or situations in which I feel I have communicated poorly and been misunderstood... and heaven forbid, if I think I’ve hurt someone.

I never would seek to hurt. I don’t like to disappoint people, including myself. I am particularly disgusted by injustice... that’s something that always gets a rise out of me... I don’t hate that personal trait... but there are times in which I will defend the underdog, to my own detriment- which doesn’t always feel great. Fortunately, I realize nobody is perfect and I forgive easily... maybe too easily... well, sometimes.

I haven't written much lately. I've been editing. & to be honest, the Real Estate World is kind of sad these days. While there is no question that I still feel passion about my work, if I look at the big picture... the industry... I run a gamut of emotions... and... well... mostly, I see red... and it isn't pretty.

When it comes to real estate, I know my stuff. I take it seriously and I am diligent. A Realtor has to be diligent. If I have a weakness, it's probably that I'm not predatory enough... well, let me explain that... I am as aggressive as I want to be. I am assertive when I need to be. I don't chase after listings, I rely mostly on referrals. I had one broker tell me that if I did more to apply myself that I would be one of the giants in the business... and I told him I didn't measure my success by volume. When it comes to real estate, I just want to earn an honest living.

I've thought about my blog- a lot. I've considered some real estate topics but I realize that the components that I may find important may not be of interest to a reader. I find that a lot of people email or call me, with questions... consumers and other real estate practitioners... and I’m always happy to help direct them to the appropriate authority, if I don’t have the answer. I do prefer my email to come to bancroftrealestate@yahoo.ca.

Having found myself at a crossroad when it comes to blog topics, I have decided to take on a challenge. My sister-in-law (Sue St. Clair) has doing a meme that she found on some other blogger’s site... and I have decided to give it a go.

And as Sue says on her blog: http://networkedblogs.com/ewO67

“ If you are reading this please feel free to share your own truths/thoughts in the comment section if you'd like.

And here is the complete list for those who want to try it out.

Thirty Days of Truth list:

Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life h*ll, or treated you like sh*t.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough *ss days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself ”

So it begins.