Real Talk!

Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

I suppose I have had fleeting thoughts... during some very, very dark moments. & I’ve had my share of those.

More than.

I’ve survived abuse, nasty divorces, injustice... and other stuff... some horrific illness and accidents, too...

Probably, the closest to the brink, was in 2000... 2001... when I was dealing with mild traumatic brain injury and didn’t know it... it didn’t get a whole lot better once I figured it out, either...

I can't express the devastation... how frightening it is to realize that you don't recognize everyday objects... that you can't count... can't read... can't tie your shoe laces... don't know which comes first- shoes or socks... don't know which foot which shoe works on... can't remember anything for more than a moment... have no long-term recall.... feel dizzy and confused... and can't articulate...

I saw more doctors than you can count... I have a box or two full of records and documentation... I experienced a lot of pain, a lot of misunderstanding, a lot of nasty ignorant people and a lot of frustration...

it was particularly frustrating because neuro-psychological examinations, post accident, still put me at the 95 percentile... yet I couldn't count out $1.25 for hot-dog-day... or use a telephone... and I was so awfully tired... and had visual issues... the list goes on...

& friends didn't understand (I lost a few)... family had a hard time coping... even my co-workers were difficult about it... I'm not going to go into details... it was ridiculous! I thought I was going to go out of my mind!

Thank goodness for my daughter, Katie... 8 at the time... she taught me everything I know & cheered me up... all the way along!

there are still days that I have pain and discomfort that relate back to that accident... some of the brain damage is permanent- although I have, for the most part, learned to cope with my deficits.